Coworkers, Life at Work


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Sabrina Son

Sabrina is the editor in chief for TINYpulse news. She's dipped her toes into various works of writing — from retail copywriter to magazine editor. Her work's been featured in Forbes, Bloomberg BNA, and Tech.co.

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Game of Thrones Teaches Us How Not to Retaliate Against Coworkers by TINYpulseYou know that colleague that constantly emails you with “URGENT” in the subject line when you’re just trying to enjoy your one vacation day this year? Or the coworker in the next cubicle whose music you can hear all day because he listens to his headphones way too loud. Maybe there’s the one who microwaves fish in the office communal kitchen, stinking up the whole place for the rest of your work day. They make you so crazy you feel like you could burst.

There are ways to settle issues in your organizational culture, but retaliation is hardly ever the right move. And worse, if you’re taking retaliation advice from HBO’s Game of Thrones, let’s just say you’re probably going overboard. There are so many ways it can go wrong. So the next time you get all frustrated with the guy who hits Reply All to everything and clogs your inbox or who comes sneezing and sniffling into your workspace, remember these 15 Game of Thrones strategies and just how horribly it could go.

  • Sic your trusty direwolf on them: Sure, you know that your sidekick Ghost, Nymeria, or Summer would do absolutely anything for you, but if you sic that direwolf on the annoying guy who always microwaves his leftover fish, soon your coworkers will just turn on you for getting dog hair and slobber all over their communal spaces, and you’ll be the next target. Tweet: Thou shalt not sic your trusty direwolf on your annoying coworker @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

  • Poison their wedding wine: Everyone south of the Wall knows that a good attack at someone’s wedding is the best way to catch them off their game. But taking your vengeance on a colleague outside of the 9-to-5 office walls seems a bit too far, doesn’t it? And then you ruin the wedding for all those coworkers you do like, and no one takes the side of a party pooper. Tweet: Thou shalt not poison your coworker's wedding wine @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

  • Watch them “fly”: Petyr Baelish knows the value of a properly timed “slip” out of the Moon Door, and frankly, if your office has a Moon Door, everyone should know enough to steer clear — especially the loud talkers. But, ugh, do you really want to have something in common with annoying little Robin?

Game of Thrones Moon DoorSOURCE: tumblrofthrones.tumblr.com

  • Replace their Poland Springs with Wildfire: Wildfire saved the day in the battle at Blackwater, and the Alchemist’s Guild in King’s Landing could probably whip you up a batch of the ancient battle weapon — but it’s going to be pricey. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned swordfight?

  • Spread a rumor about their parentage: Nothing gets someone killed faster than telling the people in power, if your bosses are aligned with the Lannisters, that your colleague is a secret Baratheon child. It’ll be off with their head STAT, but do we really want to keep the Lannisters in the CEO chair anyway? They’re not very lenient with vacation time. Tweet: Thou shalt not spread a rumor that your coworker is aligned with the Lannisters @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

  • Send them on a free vacation to Valeria: Tell them all about the beautiful sailing and the picturesque landscapes, but leave out the whole zombie-like creatures infected with grayscale thing. Best of all is that you won’t have any blood on your hands, but you run the risk of him returning Jorah-style and infecting your whole office.

  • Take Ramsay Bolton’s approach: The Ramsay family’s go-to move is flaying — so much so that it adorns the family symbol. Flaying is — horrific, so let’s not even go there. Tweet: Thou shalt not do anything involving flaying to your coworker @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

  • Make them one of your three Jaqen H’ghar wishes: Arya knew that the best way to get rid of the enemies in her way was to give their name to the faceless man Jaqen H’ghar, who would then assassinate them. Less blood on your hands, but you might want to save those death wishes for something bigger than loud phone talkers.

  • Invite them to Robert Baratheon’s hunting party: A boar hunt can easily go amiss for the inexperienced — or the fall-down wine drunk. No one will know it’s you, but there’s more likely a chance that the former king of Westeros will get the brunt of the planned attack and not your coworker.

  • Burn them at the stake: Though it’s not always for revenge, the Red Priestess Melisandre is queen of burning people at the stake. Just tell Melisandre you had a vision that the Lord of Light thought that loud chewer the cubicle over should be sacrificed to advance their cause. Problem, however, is that this is actually true and then you are in deep trouble with the Lord of Light. Tweet: Thou shalt not burn your coworker at the stake @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

  • Send them over the Wall: Make sure your colleague doesn’t have any Valerian steel or dragon glass on them and give them the boot to the other side of the Wall, without protection of the Night’s Watch. He will be easy pickin’s for the deadly White Walkers. But then again, that makes one more White Walker to join their tribe that will one day be coming for everyone on the grassy side of the wall.

  • Put them on the short list to duel the Mountain: Not even the Red Viper Oberyn Martell with his poison-dipped sword could defeat the Hound’s brother the Mountain, so chances are the guy from accounting isn’t going to stand a chance. But no one — I mean no one — wants to see the (literal) eye-popping fight scene between Martell and the Mountain relived.

Game of Thrones duel the mountainSOURCE: comicvine.com

  • Slip their name onto Arya’s revenge list: Cersei … Walder Frey … the Mountain … Meryn Trant … Jane from marketing. Arya repeats her list like a nightly prayer, and her main mission in life is to avenge the death of her family members. If you slip one more name onto the list, there’s a chance Arya will get so caught up in her mission that she’ll forget she doesn’t actually know Jane from marketing and accomplish her task anyway. But more likely than not, she’ll mentally cross it off and maybe come after you instead.

  • Tell the Sand Snakes they had something to do with the Red Viper’s death: The three kids of Oberyn Martell are tough, but most importantly, they are quick to rush to judgement and heck-bent on revenge, like Arya. If you tell the Sand Snakes that your coworker was aligned with the Lannisters, they’re sure to make him their next target. On the flip side, do you really want hotheads like the Sand Snakes involved in your life?

  • Make them the hero of the story: The fastest way to die in Westeros is to be the hero of the story. Set your annoying coworker up for Employee of the Month and tell your boss how productive and helpful to customers they are. As fast as can be, it will be off with their head like Ned Stark. But then, you’ll have to fly under the radar and it is going to make your office environment super awkward. Tweet: Thou shalt not make your coworker the hero of your story @TINYpulse http://bit.ly/1IqA9VL

It might be enticing, but taking lessons from Game of Thrones is probably not the best way to go about exacting revenge on your annoying colleagues.


Sabrina Son

Sabrina is the editor in chief for TINYpulse news. She's dipped her toes into various works of writing — from retail copywriter to magazine editor. Her work's been featured in Forbes, Bloomberg BNA, and Tech.co.

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